Get a "Certificate of Authenticity" for Your Penis

The headline alone probably made you click over…

I’ve been called many things by many girlfriends, but thankfully, I’ve made it this far without anyone naming my penis. There, I said it.

While many superlatives come to mind, I’d be satisfied with my junk just being know as Mr. Dependable. Now, for the same folks who once ‘bought a star’ online, you can secure a name for your thingy.

NameYourWang makes it possible. Search availability (“Yard Stick” and “Snakey” are still available!), secure your name and receive a “Certificate of Authenticity.”

Just in time for Father’s Day and graduation season.

Supposedly, 60% of all males name their penis. Imagine the embarrassment you will face if you ever come across another dude who’s calling his stick the same name as yours? Oh, the humanity!

The name becomes yours to trade, sell or hand down from generation to generation. You can expect to pay around $17 for the moniker, payable via major credit cards.

I’m opting to stay anonymous…for now.

Join Baratunde Thurston (left), The Onion’s Director of Digital and author of How to Be Black, for an entertaining look at creative social media campaigns in our Social Media Marketing Boot Camp starting February 16. Other speakers include Morin Oluwole (Facebook), Tim Devane (bitly), and SocialTimes' writer Devon Glenn.   Register now.