Embarrassed about your bathroom noises? There’s an app for that, and here’s why I won’t be using it. First, let me make a really honest admission. I will go through any measures to avoid doing “number two” in a bathroom with multiple stalls. This Akatu app should be perfect for me (it’s not). It took me a very long time to get used to peeing in public bathroom with an attentive audience and this app is not going to change my toiletry habits.

  1. I never use my phone in the bathroom because the floor is a magnetic field for phones when you add  a toilet. Safety first, right? I’ve learned from experience.
  2. I refuse to touch my phone in the same breath as touching the door to a public bathroom. Or the faucet, paper towel holder, stall lock, toilet holder, soap dispenser… I’m not a germ freak, but there’s something really weird about handling a phone during bathroom time and accidentally touching it before eating.
  3. I don’t turn on the faucet or water to mask my noises. I don’t know of anyone who does.
  4. I don’t want people to think I sound like a shower or waterfall when I am doing business… If I had wanted everyone to think I had an unusually beautiful sound emanating from my derrière, I can just play this:

Roses – By Outkast